Thursday, January 1, 2009
Farewell President Bush
Goodbye and thank you George. Can I call you George? I like to think of you as my friend, after-all we have been through so much together these past few years. Thank you for your contribution in making the last eight years emotionally and financially the most challenging of my thirty-five years on earth. Actually I can’t lie to you, I’m thirty-eight. I feel I need to be honest with you, as you were nothing but honest with me your two terms in office. I could hardly believe it when you were re-elected for the second term. But I thought, it can’t be worse than the last four years! I have to share a little secret with you. That’s the time I began to think poorly of Republicans. I know I shouldn’t judge or generalize. You would never do that. Don’t worry I was raised with manners. I never do or say anything disrespectful to their faces. I always wait until they walk away. Don’t get me wrong some of my best friends are Republican... okay one… actually he’s not a best friend… not ever a good friend. But that’s not the point. The point is I remained positive and believed in you when you told me “the wealth” would trickle down to me. I realized I couldn’t fault the upper echelon such as you for the hard financial times I was going through. The more money you made the better off I would eventually be. So I patiently waited for your overabundance to make it’s way down. As time went on I received fewer and fewer jobs forcing me to depend on my credit cards for those frivolous things in life such as food and mortgage payments. I believed things would eventually turn around, it’s not like the financial worries of the poor and middle class would trickle up. I decided to heed your advice and “take the high horse and the low road.”
Oh I hope I don’t sound bitter. I have learned so much from you. I use to believe one had to be intelligent to be the President. Now I know that is ridiculous. I even considered running for office…and when I thought I might be too old your pal John McCain entered the picture, proving you can never be too old. I don’t have all the qualifications Palin had. I can’t see Russia from my window, but if I climb on my rooftop I can see trailer homes. I figure that must make me eligible to run for something. You see thanks to you and your wonderful economy I was forced to move from my apartment in New York City a few years ago into a house in the county. My commute is only two hours each way to and from work. It gives me time to catch up on my Martha Stewart magazine reading. In case you haven’t guessed… I’m gay. Don’t feel too bad for me, it’s not like I deserve the same rights as everyone else. I should have to commute to work. On occasion I sit in the back of the bus giving the prime seats to the straight commuters. It seems like something you would want me to do. And thanks to you I now have two careers - and on occasion three. It’s not like I have children to take care of, so what else would I do with my time? Don’t get me wrong, my partner of twelve years and I would love to adopt a little Ling Ling or Pax, but with looming fears of losing our home do to your wonderful economy we realize you would not approve. I had hoped we could marry each other and enjoy some of the breaks other Americans are entitled to. You know those silly little things like health care, parenting rights, social security, survivor benefits, and transfer of property. But I know your stance on marriage being a “holy sacrament” between a man and a woman and all that. I was raised Catholic and attended Catholic school as a child. So I know how rigid and unwilling to change the teachings can be. Remember when we use to stone to death those who committed adultery…of coarse you don’t because we changed that practice. But you’re probably right we should live our lives by the Bible. If you’re going to stick by the teachings of the Bible you should’ve taken it a step further and made divorce illegal. I mean it is a sacrament that should not be taken lightly…right. Wasn’t the original intent of God for the spouses to never separate “one flesh” and all that.
At least you were able to declare the “Surge” on Iraq a victory before leaving office. I remember when you first began your speeches convincing the American people we needed to invade Iraq to get those “evil doers.” How dare they attack the World Trade Center…oh wait that was Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan. Well how dare they have nuclear weapons… oops wrong again… well they’re not Catholic… how dare they. People rallied by your side. After all “you’re one of us.” We wanted to be your friend and have a beer with you. Not me…I might have a Cosmo or Martini. But then again I’m a minority so I don’t count. I digress, where was I? Oh yes the people rallied by your side, many declaring a war would help our failing economy improve. After all World War Two was good for the economy.
So here we are almost five years and a nearly $1.2 trillion dollars spent on your war in Iraq. That’s a lot of money. We could have used that money for public health care, to rebuild New Orleans, held put an end to world hunger, back the real war against the Taliban and put together a peacekeeping force to end genocide in Darfur… just to name a few. But instead we have a recession nearing a depression and the loss of over four thousand American military men and woman in Iraq. So congratulations on your victory! Continue to hold your head high and “believe what you believe is right.”